i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
