I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
