Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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