Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
