Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
