my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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