six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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