so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
