you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize