guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
