from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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