I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
