We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
