I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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