You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
