Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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