I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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