this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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