she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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