walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Boobs speak an international language.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
