How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
