I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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