i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
