I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
