im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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