she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
