One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
