what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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