i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
