Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
