How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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