My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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