Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize