she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize