All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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