Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
