whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
