I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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