You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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