You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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