Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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