Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize