she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
