He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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