How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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