He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize