You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
