that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
