I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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