did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
