i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
