At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
