We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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