my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
