I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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