so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
