I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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