Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
