I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
