Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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