I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
last night I used snow as a chaser
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